My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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