It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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