I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
