What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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