Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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