I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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