it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
