Ambien. No doubt about it.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
this hospital has no fireball
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
