i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
