East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
