i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
