I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
