We got so high we made milksteak
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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