i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
