There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
worst night to have a conscience
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
