They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
