I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am one with the molecules
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
