Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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