these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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