sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
