You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
