Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You can't special order awesome
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How's work?
Spinning.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
