then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
