They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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