the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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