I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
