Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
