Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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