Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
