I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
