My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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