Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
