I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
