I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
