I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
