We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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