All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
