So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you win again, gameday.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
