Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
