No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
