just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
