Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
