Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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