My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Someone shattered a urinal.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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