I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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