you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
