My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
