my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
