Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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