well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
