Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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