You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There are leaves in my underwear?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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